Miss Independent

K, so I've decided to rid myself of all gaayness/ corniness, or at least I'll try when it comes to these "blog things". Okay so maybe not- myblog- my rules. Anyways- I can't deny it any longer. This phrase just seems to keep popping up. It was brought up when I was with the ex, and I tried to ignore it- and look how I turned out, I took my 12th grade year for granted- only looking forward to being with someone else, not thinking about what I wanted, and what was "best for me".

And what is this so-called rule? You can't be with someone before you learn to be with yourself. Coming from the words of a divorcee, a wait-listed Harvard genius, a worthy author- and well.. anyone who's had to go through the painful lesson themselves. And everyone was so eager to "get" a boyfriend/ girlfriend in elementary, solely depending on the fact that "love knows no age". Who can forget about the times when puppy love relationships were defended by referring to a baby being able to love his/her mother. Oh how I remember the lack of warnings from my parents about being too young to have a boyfriend. But then again how I want to thank them for letting me make my own mistakes and fall hard on ass, having need to get up on my own later.

Two year relationships at that age, were never meant to last longer than it did. From thinking they were your soulmate to seeking out the same person as your worst enemy. You think maybe my idea of soulmate changes with every new companion that comes along? What if he was my soulmate when I was with him. And now that I'm not, he's not. People change- what if I change and the new guy seems to be "the one". Who can blame me at 16 years old? At 18? What the hell is a soulmate anyway- maybe just the one you want and can be with for the rest of yo life. Look at me going off topic.

My point was.. I was in a very unhealthy relationship. Such a strong connection with a guy was so new to me that I didn't know how to handle it or how to care for it. Instead, I idolized and depended on him, so much so that every goodbye had to turn into a fight because I know anger felt alot better than painful goodbyes. \And how could I think he was my best, when I turned out to be at my worst with him. That's not to say I had no fault. We brought the worst in each other, yet we thought we could last. How sweet.

Now now, he's over done with, and reality pushed its way in, and along with it dragged a superman. He said he didn't like to fight- something I've heard too many times- but this guy actually didn't like to fight. With you, I fight less- ya I know, imagine me at my lowest conjuring 100000 fights a day? That would not fly with you, would it. With you, I smile longer, breath slower, think harder, hug tighter, kiss softer, and the list goes on.

The point is- I'm in the process of learning to be with myself and at the same time being with you. I've always been known to multitask. I used to deny and ignore the fact that I am too attached to someone. But here I go again, admitting I am too attached, like I can't be without you another minute, but yet I am. Whenever we're together, I don't feel like we're running out of time- even though we literally are because i'm leaving to travel 357 miles away in the next hour. Time passes way too fast with you, but never do I feel like we're out of time. There's always the next visit, the next weekend, the next phone call, et cetera.

You make me smile when I'm tearing and tear when I smile- .. and I would gladly hit the road, get up, and go if I knew, that someday it would lead me back to you.

Green-Eyed Monster

Now I'm drunk textin' like it's all about you-- like I can't spend another minute without you..

Whoever said this was going to be easy. Need I remind you a million more times and double pinky-kiss promise a billion times more? We're losing focus here- let's stop walking around like green-eyed monsters, and see the bigger picture. Roughly 5 months, is it? or 5 years? Well apparently we could pass for the latter. But who's talking in time here, let's talk heart and feel it pound. Nobody likes McGay guys, silly- especially not me.

(Not me, not me, not me, not me) X (infinity)

It's only you.

(Just you, just you, just you, just you) X (infinity plus 1)
Pinky, pinky, kiss.